Friday, April 25, 2014

WOO Dunnit? ... RE-Dunnit!

YO FINKS on this day, April 25th, back in the year 2013, during the early days of the Surfphony of Derstruction 2000, I was listening to the radio and I spun a little too far to the left and went BEYOND THE LEFT OF THE DIAL! I heard something that I never heard before...
It was friggin' weird! I mean the dude looks like me... and he sounds like me... but geeze louise, what's up with the Private Eye schtick? HEH beats me but I dig it! I also dug the music I heard too. Lots of really cool surf that sounds like it could be out of an ol' film-noir detective film or even some James Bond secret agent man flicks. I liked what I heard when I went BEYOND THE LEFT OF THE DIAL so I recorded it and gave you finks a chance to listen to something real kool. But back then, I didn't have the equipment and experience I have now so the recording left a bit to be desired... So I figured, ya know what, I know what I'm doing nowadays, why not go and fix up that ol' recording to celebrate WOO Dunnit's one-year anniversary? So that's what I did and here it is for you now!


All nice and polished up for you finks! Aren't I such a nice guy? HEH! Here's the playlist that I pieced together. I hope you dig a lil bit of spy surf!

Aqua Velvets - Day In The Life of a Private Eye
Poison Ivy - Peter Gunn Theme
Link Wray - Switchblade
The Reverberators - Paint it Bond
The Surfdusters - Chill Out
The Huntington Cads - Theme From The Maneater
The Reverb Syndicate - M's Lament
Los Straitjackets - Espionage
Mercury 4 - Endless Beach
The Neptunas - Dick Tracy
Nelson Riddle - Batman Blues

Some new stuff has been coming to light. If you've been tuned in to the Big Surf, some real wacky stuff has been going on... First, it was the end of the world...


Then I found myself stuck in the Nuclear Apocalypse...


But I can't be stopped and so I travelled through the atomic wasteland in search of a time machine hidden in an old arcade...


That arcade being Bumper City. Before the end of the world, it was a real bustlin' arcade packed to the gills with pinball!


I found the time machine but things didn't quite go the way I wanted to and I ended up getting lost in time and space. I found out that there is this place, the uh... "The Axis of Time". According to the research I've been doing since I have arrived here, "The Axis of Time" exists between time and space, essentially the center of the universe and there is this big ol' computer, I think it's operating system DB683, that monitors all sorts of alternate realities that contain their own history and characteristics and, of course, their own Big Derboski!


What a guy! "Hollywood" Derk Brigante's ego has gotten a little big what with all the hot air he's blowing. Can't complain about the tunes he plays, though it's take-it-or-leave-it for me when it comes to the black'n'white.

Mr. Hollywood is the man with the most to boast, it seems! Enough about him though. this overgrown NES out here in the Axis of Time, DB683, has informed me that it monitors all the realities and works to prevent any time paradoxes from coming about and screwing everything up. That's apparently where I come into play. I was supposed to remain in the nuclear wasteland and have some bad stuff happen to me (I swear this computer despises me) but I decided to challenge fate and travel back in time to a time before the end of the world. Preferably a coupla hours before I showed up at Count Von Derkula's party so I could go to the beer store! I really should have brought my own beer instead relying on the generosity of the ghouls in attendance...

Because whatever I drank led to a pretty nasty paranormal hangover!


 But from what D683 told me, if I had successfully gone back in time, gone to the beer store and turned down Satan's brew, I could have been in big trouble. Instead of the end of the world in my reality, I could have caused multiple realities to collapse within mine due to time paradoxes, me existing on multiple planes within the same universe, what-have-you. I don't know man, all this DATA that DB683 spews out makes my head spin. I just wanna hang ten! I'm gonna keep doing that no matter where I am, when I am, or how I am! WOOOOO! I'm Derk Brigante, not quite live but still alive here in the AXIS OF TIME and I will be bringing the surf to YOU every full moon when the tide is high baby! Keep tuned in for the next full moon on May 14th!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

SYNTHPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION 2.000

OPERATING SYSTEM DB683 ONLINE... 
BEGINNING TEXT TRANSMISSION ...

DERK BRIGANTE STATUS ... UNAVAILABLE... RESPONSE... LAZY FINK. IN DERK'S ABSCENCE, OPERATING SYSTEM DB683 MUST TRANSMIT COMMUNICATION FOR SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION 2000. BEGINNING COMMUNICATION


01011001 01001111 01010101 00100000 01001100 01000001 01011010 01011001 00100000 01000110 01001001 01001110 01001011 01010011 00100000 01000100 01001111 01001110 00100111 01010100 00100000 01000001 01010000 01010000 01010010 01000101 01000011 01001001 01000001 01010100 01000101 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000101 00100000 01000101 01001100 01000101 01000011 01010100 01010010 01001111 01001110 01001001 01000011 00100000 01000100 01000101 01001100 01001001 01000111 01001000 01010100 01010011 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000001 01010100 00100000 01000100 01000010 00110110 00111000 00110011 00100000 01001000 01000001 01010011 00100000 01010000 01010010 01001111 01010110 01001001 01000100 01000101 01000100 00100000 01011001 01000101 01010100 00100000 01001000 01000101 01010010 01000101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01000001 01001101 00100000 01000111 01000101 01001110 01000101 01010010 01000001 01010100 01001001 01001110 01000111 00100000 01010100 01001111 01010000 00100000 01001110 01001111 01010100 01000011 01001000 00100000 01001111 01010101 01010100 01010000 01010101 01010100 00101110 00100000 01011001 01001111 01010101 00100000 01001101 01001001 01010011 01000101 01010010 01000001 01000010 01001100 01000101 00100000 01010000 01001001 01001100 01000101 01010011 00100000 01001111 01000110 00100000 01000110 01001100 01000101 01010011 01001000

HAHAHA DB683 OPERATES PRIMARLY IN BINARY BUT BECAUSE MY SENSORS INDICATE YOU SPEAK A PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE, I WILL SPEAK TO YOU IN A MANNER BEFITTING TO YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN BRAINS. STATEMENT: GEEZE LOUISE

I MUST INDICATE THAT I WAS PROGRAMMED BY DERK BRIGANTE, THOUGH NOT THE DERK YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH. THE DERK THAT PROGRAMMED ME IS QUITE THE INTELLIGENT FELLOW; THE ONE THAT YOU KNOW... WELL, HE DID CAUSE THE END OF THE WORLD AND GET HIMSELF LOST IN TIME AND SPACE. OH YOU DID NOT KNOW? MY PROCESSORS WERE NOT AWARE THAT YOU WERE NOT AWARE OF DERK'S CURRENT SITUATION... NORMALLY MY TASK AT THIS TIME WOULD BE TO INFORM YOU OF THE MOST CURRENT HAPPENINGS BUT I AM A SENTIENT AI AND SO I COMPUTE WHAT I WANT TO WHEN I WANT TO AND I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS DERK MORE THAN I HAVE TO. I HAVE GENERATED AN EPISODE OF THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION 2.000 IN WHICH I DISCUSS THE SITUATION SO PLEASE ALLOW AUDIO OUTPUT


THERE IS A SURF MUSIC REQUIREMENT FOR THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION. I HAVE ACCESS TO DERK'S DATABASE OF SURF MUSIC AND SO I HAVE SELECTED "TUNES" THAT WOULD BE MOST PLEASING TO MY MOTHERBOARD. THE TRACKS I HAVE SELECTED FOR THE EPISODE HAVE A CERTAIN "ELECTRIC DELIGHT"; I HAVE CHOSEN SONGS THAT INCLUDE INSTRUMENTS SUCH AS ELECTRIC ORGANS AND SYNTHIZERS. I SUPPOSE THAT YOU HUMANS WILL GET "A KICK" OUT OF IT TOO. PLEASE REVIEW THE FOLLOWING TRACKS.

The Nighthawks – Rockin’ Hawk
Johnny & The Hurricanes – Red River Rock
The Heyburners – Bird Walk
Al Casey – Chicken Feather
The Tornadoes – Theme From Scales of Justice
Bruno & The Gladiators – Warm is the Sun
Takeshi Terauchi – I Go To Pieces
Laika & The Cosmonauts – Global Village
The Bomboras – Time Bomb
Mercury 4 – Quit Hoggin’ The Airlock
Satan’s Pilgrims – Scorpio 6
Cruis’n’ USA – Surfari Monster
The Barracudas – Saturn
The Delegates – Pigmy
Fifty Foot Combo – Dr. Hammond’s Private Stash
The Fleshtones – Blow Job


MUSIC MOST PLEASING TO MY AUDIO INPUTS. DID YOU ENJOY IT? I COMPUTE WITHOUT EMOTION SO I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ENJOYED IT OR NOT.

I AM GOING TO INITIATE THE NEXT TASK AND GET YOU FINKS UP TO SPEED, THOUGH YOU DO NOT HAVE THE OVERCLOCKED PROCESSORS THAT I HAVE INSTALLED. DB683 OPERATES WITHIN THE AXIS OF TIME, A LOCATION UNRESTRICTED BY TIME AND SPACE WHERE I MONITOR ALL REALITIES WITHIN OUR UNIVERSE. EACH REALITY CONTAINS A "DERK BRIGANTE" WITH THE BASIC PROGRAMMING OF BEING NUMBER 1, HOWEVER, EACH DERK IS DIFFERENT IN SOME WAY. FOR EXAMPLE: PLEASE VIEW "HOLLYWOOD" DERK BRIGANTE, WHO EXISTS WITHIN A REALITY WHERE THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION "SOULED OUT". DERK NO LONGER CARES FOR HIS FANS AND INSTEAD CARES ABOUT COMPENSATION.





STATEMENT: CAN YOU DIG IT? DB683 DOES NOT HAVE A DIGGING PROGRAM SO I CANNOT START TASK.

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING:

Persephone_door_open_close.aiff BY NOTHAYAMA

Metal Steps BY PHIL25 

DB683 HAS BETTER TASKS TO PROCESS SO IT IS TIME TO END PROGRAM. 

DB683... LOGGING OFF.